Christina is a guest writer for The Running World According to Dean. This is the fourth in a series of articles on her experiences with surgery and recovery. (Here’s #3 & here’s #2, here’s #1) I hope her insights and candidness will ring true for many of you as well as keep your hopes high for any recoveries or comebacks you may be enduring. We’ll be with her every step through her journey to recovery.
Since I had planned to be unable to run for three weeks, I knew going into week four would be tough. Tough is an understatement.
Once again, following doctor’s orders and not staying off the foot bites me in the butt. I was using the boot but because I was still on the ball of my foot, it started aching. But the worse part was peeling the Band-Aid off. Walking on the heel, even with the boot, caused the Band-Aid to smash into the wound and I would grit my teeth and pull it out. For three days I did this before admitting that the doctor was right (AGAIN) and only by staying off the foot would it heal and get me running again. Back to the crutches.
Last week at the local high school pool, I was fortunate to meet Denise who teaches swimming. Denise gave me some tips (like blowing bubbles when you swim. I would never hold my breath when I run so why I do that swimming. I’ll have to analyze that one later.) I scheduled time for a lesson so I can learn efficiencies with swimming. It couldn’t hurt to be a better swimmer and perhaps one day I’ll try a triathlon. But running will come first; the swimming is just to help keep some of my conditioning up.
As I left the pool after my first lesson, I was pondering the different methods of wart removal, there’s Compound W, freezing, burning and even a duct tape method (which I did not try). Did none of the methods work because ultimately I wanted it cut out? If you’ve seen or read the book The Secret, you’ve heard of the law of attraction. I do believe that if I am looking for something, like huge construction dumpsters, I will find more of those. I believe the same happens when I’m focusing on negative stuff. All I’ll see if more negative stuff. But what I have a hard time wrapping my thoughts around is that 4 or 5 years ago I was going through the motions just so I could eventually have the damn warts cut out and be exactly at where I’m at. My mind runs circles around these ideas and all it does it get me more confused and frustrated.
People mean well when they ask me how my foot is, but I’m tired of talking about it. I’m tired of being asked when do I get off the crutches? When can I run again? What does the doctor say? Believe me, I’ve asked myself those same questions. I’ve realized that my running schedule shows I would be running now, that I’m a week behind, that I’m losing conditioning. I know that I’m putting on weight and eating more because I’m an emotional eater. I know that the Boston qualifying time for the Tucson marathon is starting to slip from me. I can’t think positive and tell myself” I can still do it, that there is still time”. Haven’t I tried to think positive? Haven’t I tried to attract good, think positive thoughts and believe in fast healing? Haven’t I tried visualizing me running?
I know focusing on the negative will only attract more negative. Having gone through a time period of anxiety and of depression I understand that concept all too well. But once you’re heading in that downward direction, it’s hard to shift. And then I get mad that I’m supposed to find the good in my situation. That everything happens for a reason; that something good will come out of this. It’s not that easy.
It’s time to go to bed and for now, I’ll stop being the host of my own pity party and shift my focus. Tomorrow is a new day.